


For Old Time's Sake

by cavedinwriter



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, HOW is that not a tag yet jfc, Higgs Redemption, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Sam is a single dad, basically its just these two being sad, more or less, or like. an ending that leads to happier things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavedinwriter/pseuds/cavedinwriter
Summary: Sam had just put Lou to bed, and the sun had set but the last of the light was still fading from the sky. The lights in the house were dimmed. He walked back to the kitchen to finish the dinner he’d abandoned before wrangling Lou to sleep. He was a little tired, and he certainly wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted him when he flicked the lights fully on in the kitchen. Standing at the edge of the room by the sliding glass doors stood a face that pulled on the parts of his memory Sam had been trying so hard to forget.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges & Higgs Monaghan, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 76





	For Old Time's Sake

**Author's Note:**

> I've been really craving soft sam/higgs lately so here this is. I wrote the majority of it at 12am... enjoy?

Sam had just put Lou to bed, and the sun had set but the last of the light was still fading from the sky. The lights in the house were dimmed. He walked back to the kitchen to finish the dinner he’d abandoned before wrangling Lou to sleep. He was a little tired, and he certainly wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted him when he flicked the lights fully on in the kitchen. Standing at the edge of the room by the sliding glass doors stood a face that pulled on the parts of his memory Sam had been trying so hard to forget.

“Heya, Sammy.” Higgs said with a smile. It wasn’t a smile that Sam recognized, at least not on that face. Higgs’s smiles were so often sarcastic or smug, but this one looked tired. And genuine, Sam realized with a start.

“Higgs,” Sam managed after several seconds of shocked silence, “I thought you were on the Beach.”

“Managed to worm my way out of that wretched place, thank goodness.” Higgs said, taking a step forward. Sam took a step back out of reflex, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Higgs’s smile dropped. Sam noticed that he wasn’t adorned in any of his usual getup. No mask, no cape. He had thick pants on as was standard, and boots as well. But he had a simple gray hoodie on, and his eyeliner was neat and subtle. Sam found himself thinking faintly that he liked this different Higgs a little better, so far.

“Back to make my life hell, I suppose?” Sam sighed. After all, this Higgs _seemed_ different, but if he knew anything about the Beach it tended to make people less stable rather than more, and it wasn’t like Higgs was likely to be an entirely different person after only two years.

“Ah,” Higgs smiled again, “No. Though I could try, for old time’s sake. Mess up your kitchen. Clog your drain with tar or something.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t. Got enough mess to clean up with my little girl.” Sam said. Higgs blinked, clearly surprised.

“You managed to get yourself a kid? You, Mr. Touchy-Feely?” Higgs leaned on the counter and laughed. Sam almost did. Almost. Didn’t quite feel like joking about Lou.

“She was my… my BB. Named her Lou. Got her outta her pod, been raising her.”

“Wow,” Higgs looked taken aback and there was something Sam didn’t recognize in his eyes, “So you’re a single dad now, huh?”

“That’s right.”

“Well then. I shouldn’t keep you.” Higgs said, suddenly backing up. There was a shift in tone, suddenly, he seemed in a rush, “I’ll leave you to your little girl.”

“I just put her to bed, as long as you don’t make much noise you can stay.” Sam offered. Why he was offering to let Higgs Monaghan stay, he didn’t know. But he felt he should.

“No, that’s alright,” Higgs said, and he was backing up now as Sam took a step forward, “I made a mistake barging in here, you clearly have things all set.”

“Higgs.” Sam strode forward, closed the distance between them, grabbed his shoulder. It reminded him in an ugly way of when he’d pulled him from the tar years before.

Higgs looked uncomfortable, squirming under Sam’s grip, but he didn’t let go. The look in his eyes was that of a man cornered. Sam wondered where his ability to put up a mask had gone. Destroyed by the void that was the Beach, probably. Or perhaps he simply didn’t want to try anymore.

“Why did you come find me? Couldn’t have been just to raise hell, you would’ve done that already.” Sam said softly. Higgs pried Sam’s fist off his hoodie, but didn’t move away.

“I… wanted to see what you were making of things. After Amelie.” He said simply. The words were choking him; Sam could see how much he struggled to get them out. 

“I’m gonna get you some pizza.” Sam said decisively, stepping away. Higgs scrunched up his face in confusion.

“What?”

“I’m gonna get you some pizza,” Sam repeated, stepping away and opening the fridge, “Gonna be cold, cause the microwave’s broken. We’ll get a new one in tomorrow. You’re gonna eat it, and then you’re gonna talk.”

“Uh huh.” Higgs crossed his arms. Sam grabbed a few slices of pizza from their tinfoil wrapping in the fridge, then walked over to the couch, motioning for Higgs to follow. Higgs did, stiffly, still with arms crossed. It was such a contrast to how he was used to seeing Higgs move. Usually he swayed, moved with such grace. But now he was awkward and seemed bulky, even though his outfit was much more streamlined than usual.

Higgs accepted the slice of pizza and the two of them ate in silence until Higgs finished his first slice. He let Sam continue eating for a few moments before he cleared his throat and spoke again.

“I made it off the Beach a few months ago. Couldn’t begin to describe how, really. Just… clawed my way out. When I made it back, I got rid of all the shit that I… that reminded me of _her_. Made myself a little less recognizable. Got a bunker, didn’t do much but eat sleep and shit.”

“Sounds like Lou.” Sam said, more to himself really, but Higgs laughed.

“Yeah, I felt like a baby too. Crying all the time an’ everything… But after I got myself back on my feet- as much as I could, anyway- I found myself thinkin’ about… you. Wondering. Wanted to know what you were up to. I saw all the UCA and Bridges stuff on the chiral, and the President, and all that shit, but never saw you. Looked you up in the database of Porters, too, but all I found was your outdated file. 

“So I got to wondering, what the hell is Sam up to? There’s no way he’s dead, I saw all that fuss the President made when this mess first got overwith so they woulda done some over-the-top funeral. And I couldn’t help feeling that… maybe if I saw you, saw what you were doing after all this, it might help me figure things out for myself?” Higgs trailed off, “I know, it don’t make much sense. I just felt so lost. Some part of me, the part that you knew, hoped that you were just as lost as I was. That you were suffering just as much as I was. But you aren’t, and… Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bitter. But some part of me’s happy for you, too.” Higgs smiled, and Sam could tell it was the same smile from when he’d first showed up. Tired, sad, genuine. More than a little strained.

Sam leaned back against the couch, too stunned to say anything right away. Higgs had always rambled, sure, but it was always nonsense before. Self-important bullshit about nothing and everything all at once. Never once had he actually said anything of substance about himself, so to say Sam was reeling would be an understatement. 

He thought back to when he first took Lou out of her pod. That minute had been the scariest minute of his life, when he’d been rubbing her back and patting it and hoping to any good in the universe that she would make it. The panic, the fear, the crushing weight of the fact that this was it, if she didn’t make it he had absolutely nothing to live for. 

He looked at Higgs in front of him, who was now standing facing away. He thought of Higgs, clawing his way back to reality, laying in a field somewhere and sobbing. He thought of Higgs, with nothing to hang on to. How strong he must’ve been. How weak he must’ve felt. 

Sam remembered that when he heard Lou bring in a shuddering breath, when the wave of joy and relief hit him, the first thing that he did was cradle her close. He held her. He knew that Higgs hadn’t gotten that. 

So he stood up from the couch and walked over to Higgs. Higgs turned around, hearing him approach. Sam opened his arms, and Higgs stared at him blankly, confusion written over his face. Sam snorted and shook his head.

“Come here, asshole.” He said, stepping forward and bringing him into a hug. Higgs melted against him almost immediately, though he took a few seconds to actually reciprocate the hug. When he did, though, he held Sam tightly. Higgs marveled at the fact that he was at a place where Higgs could touch him, _hold_ him, and he wouldn’t recoil.

He felt Higgs crying silent tears into his shoulder, but he didn’t care. He just held the taller man, rocking back and forth gently in the darkness of his living room. Eventually Higgs stopped crying, but neither of them let go. Sam rubbed circles into Higgs’s back until he calmed down enough to pull away.

Higgs pulled his hood down, out of habit, Sam could tell. Sam wanted to reach out and pull it back up. Instead, he put a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

“I should get going-” Higgs started to protest, but Sam shook his head.

“I’m not gonna put you out like this. Just come to bed. We can figure out what to do in the morning.”

“I-”

“Nope.” Sam cut him off again. Higgs laughed weakly.

“Alright, alright. I guess if I’ve learned anything it’s that you’re stubborn as all get out.”

“Only reason I’m still here.” Sam said quietly. He walked Higgs back to his bedroom. He checked in on Lou before they went into his room, and to his relief she was still sleeping soundly. He smiled and closed her door again before moving to his room. He led Higgs over to his bed and motioned for him to join. Even with the lights off, Sam could see his face flush.

“Uh, Sam, I can just take the couch.” He stumbled. Sam snorted.

“I’m not making you sleep on that thing. I’ve fallen asleep on it by accident and it’s hell. And anyway,” He added, trying to sound casual, “You look like you need to be cuddled.”

“O-Oh.” Higgs stuttered. He crawled into bed and lay his head in Sam’s lap. Sam ran his fingers through Higgs’s hair. After several silent minutes, Sam spoke again.

“I still feel like I’m lost, most of the time. I just try to keep moving forward.”

“That’s a bit of a comfort, I suppose.” Higgs whispered back.

“I’m lucky enough to have Lou to keep me going. I had to take care of her. Still have to. Can’t imagine what it was like to not… have something.”

“Wasn’t good, I can tell you that much,” Higgs sighed. His voice was thick and tired, “Thanks, Sam. For listening to me. I’m not sure why you did.”

“Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me wanted to throw you out to the cold as soon as you showed up. But I think the lonely part of me was a little louder.”

“You’re lonely? Even with your little girl?”

“I love Louise with everything in me, but I can’t talk to her. And there’s certainly not… this.” Sam gestured between them vaguely. Higgs nodded.

“Well, whatever this is, I’m glad for it.” He said. Sam rested his hand on Higgs’s shoulder. Higgs reached up and took it gently. Eventually Higgs fell asleep, leaving Sam with a lapful of his worst enemy. Who was now, possibly, going to be his only friend. His only tie, other than Lou.

He wondered how Lou was going to react to meeting him. He hoped she wouldn’t remember him, but he couldn’t be sure. He supposed the three of them would work it out in the morning. Sam leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of Higgs’s head without thinking. He felt a little embarrassed after he realized what he’d done, but Higgs was already asleep so it didn’t matter.

Sam pushed Higgs off his lap enough that he could lie down properly, then pulled the taller man back into his arms. He fell asleep like that, with Higgs cradled in his arms. He felt surprisingly safe, and a lingering loneliness he hadn’t noticed before was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeehaw.  
> I might continue this if inspiration hits, because I really like this setup and I can picture Sam's house really clearly in my mind. If you'd like me to continue, leave a comment saying so!  
> As always, thank you for reading.


End file.
